The word “sexy” has always made me cringe. It has rarely even been a term directed towards me, but a word I would recognized hearing others talk about a woman’s physique, or outfit. To me, sexy felt critical. judgemental. & honestly.. dirty. It doesn’t even make sense why I would think that. Sexy doesn’t equal pornographic. Right?
I’ve been struggling internally with feeling… not unattractive or undesirable… but a lack of confidence in my appearance. Maybe it’s because I had a baby 11 months ago, my body has changed and I feel doomed to sweat pants, leggings (which are still my maternity ones) and tank tops. Maybe it’s because I’m tired at the end of the day from mommy-ing that all i want to do is wrap up in a blanket and call it a night. Or maybe it’s because I’m so deeply insecure with feeling like I’m doing something wrong, that I avoid feeling or looking sexy at all. I’d say it’s a little of each.
The more I think about what sexy is, even though I retreat within myself as soon as I hear the word, it is definitely connected to self-confidence. I don’t want to be scared to wear something… ahem.. sexy.. for my husband. I’ve felt really stupid about this for far too long, and the best way I could think to get it off my chest and move a position was to be totally open and honest about it. So there it is. Out in the open. Here you go internet.
This shouldn’t be a difficult thing for me but it is. But I’m going to overcome this. The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem and I have a problem with being sexy haha
And guess what.. men are visual! (shocker). It’s important to me that my husband gets his visual-ness from me! His wife. I have the ability to help him in this area and keep him strong from temptation. That’s a huge motivator!
This might be an awkward read for some of you but if you’re married, this can’t come to you as a surprise. Just thinking of wearing something… sexy.. makes my heart start pounding. But in the end, it won’t ever be something I regretted.
So I’m gonna pull up my big girl panties (hopefully not granny panties) and I’m bringing sexy back! (but don’t read the lyrics to that song because that’s not what I’m saying) 🙂